I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
