I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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