I cannot find my penis.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
