So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
