every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
