I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
