I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
