I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
