Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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