Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
