What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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