i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
