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I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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