What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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