You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
