I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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