so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
