The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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