Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think i have herpe
just one?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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