Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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