she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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