How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
