I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
