I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
