I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
