Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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