he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
