i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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