4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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