you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
