I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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