Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
