dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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