I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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