girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
