Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
