the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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