I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
