the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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