Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
