Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
