I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She bit a glass in half.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
