it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
