So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
