Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
