And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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