can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
