It was confusing and full of hummus
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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