what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
