Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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