Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
