Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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