i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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