I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
