Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
