I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
