I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i now understand why vodka
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
