I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
