If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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