i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
