Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i think im in europe. pls send help
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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