How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
