Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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