so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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