the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
