You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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