also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
