just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
