finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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