And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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