is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize