let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
